Pastor.Human.Adam.

I can't believe that it's been a year since I graduated from seminary.  A year since Becky and I packed up our things, life, and son and moved a thousand miles from Kentucky to the always perfect weather and beauty of South Dakota (a touch of sarcasm in there some where).  A year since I officially became a pastor.  Crazy.

Taking on the role of a pastor... I never knew how much it'd change the average person's view of me... And it's not something that's easy to dodge... one of the first questions a person asks is "so what do you do?" (while they think "this guy is a 26 year old bum that sits at coffeeshops all day").   And then I respond saying..."crazy enough, I'm a pastor." 

I'm a pastor. 

From there on out... I'm unsure where the conversation will go...  Sometimes apologies come "I'm sorry, I haven't been to church in years" (again, I've just met the person)... if they're over 65, they'll tell me how great it is that I'm a pastor and how their son once thought about going into ministry... Sometimes I'll be asked a question about God, Christianity, or religion... Other times, I'm told of a bad experience with the church... or I'll immediately be told someone's viewpoint... Sometimes their language completely changes and they become a choir boy right before my eyes... Sometimes the conversation just ends...  (I won't even mention people's reactions to an email from a pastor... "Is he checking up on me?" "Is trying to convert me?") Lately, people have been saying... "You don't seem like a pastor", "You're a pastor??? How old are you?"... one person just said "you seem normal."... I responded with "thanks" unsure what to say... :)  (note: I'm still not sure about the "normal" part.)

I'm a pastor. 

All the while... a year ago... I was just Adam... a human... just like you... 3 years ago, I was one semester away from applying to marketing firms in Sioux Falls...  I'm married to a graceful woman who I'm fully dependent upon... I often get jealous of another person's nice car... I wasn't a perfect kid growing up... my dad's an electrician not a pastor... I don't even have a robe... I haven't sung kumbaya since elementary school...  I've tried walking on water, but I stopped when the water got up to my waist... All this to say that... I'm human. I'm Adam.

I wonder what it is with the role of a pastor... Is it because of respect that a pastor is treated differently... similar to the way a son looks up to his respected father...

Or... do people feel that a pastor is unapproachable... maybe the fear of being judged... the fear of being ashamed... is it because they don't feel good enough to talk with a pastor... they feel bad about the way they're living... bad about a wrong decision they've made...are they unsure if they can relate to a pastor in any way, shape, or form... because it appears that a pastor is completely foreign to everything they know...(understanding the sermon is hard enough) unsure if a pastor will just be weird in general... or maybe a pastor simply represents all that is bad about religion...

I'm leaning towards it being the second part... Why? because that's a lot of the same feelings I had about pastors... before I became one... More than that... it's often the same exact way I feel... about approaching God... feeling not good enough... unworthy... unable to relate... simply unable to approach Him because of the differences and gap that exist between us...

I'm human... but what about God?  Well...what's sweet is that there's part of Him that is human... Human... just like me... just like you... Jesus, both fully God... fully man... lived, walked, and talked... just like me... just like you.

God.Jesus.Human. 

Lord, we have doubts if we're able to approach you or not...  What will you think about me and the way I'm living? Will you be ashamed of me?  I'm not perfect... I'm not God... Could you possibly relate to me... my life... and where I am?  Lord, help me just to come to you... help me to approach you... help me to see how much you care, love, and long to meet with me.  Help me to know that you truly are a great and awesome God... yet you want to know even me.  Amen.

(note: I must say that I have no doubt about being called to be a pastor... as you might feel called to being a teacher, mom, or doctor.  I know that this is exactly what God has called me to be... and created me to be... It's the truth I rest in when there's a rough day... I also believe that for right now... God has called me to lead this specific group of believers called Embrace...  He's "set me apart" to lead, grow, and shepherd this group... although I completely feel inadequate to lead such a fine group of people (no sarcasm)...I love what I do... I hope and pray that I would continue to be more and more like Christ... but this is the same hope I have for any other follower of Christ...I believe God has called me to be a pastor.) 

I'm a pastor.