I'm yours. 

Alright, I'm going to apologize right off the bat... this is going to be another dad and son analogy...  Yup, I'm being that pastor again... the one who talks about his kids too much.

This parenting thing continues to amaze me... I'm the father of a 14 month old, teething, non-stop moving son... named Hudson (after the automobile... not the great missionary... Yup, your pastor is also shallow.)  Each day there's something new... that Hudson's learning (he can open and close doors now)... but also that I'm learning as a dad. 

This week it was something about my love for him...  Not just my love for him (I've talked about that before and probably will again)... but my love for him compared to my love for other kids...  I mean, I can recognize a cute kid when I see one... and there's particular kids I love seeing... my nephews and neice... particular friends' kids... but it's just different...  It's fun being around them, I wouldn't want anything but good things to come there way... but it's not the same.... as the way I love my Hudson.

I mean... I LOVE... say that 10 times... I LOVE my Hudson... I swear I know his cry/babbling from miles away... would jump off a few bridges for him (I don't like heights), would give up all things if God would take care and bless him... I'd also be willing to listen to him cry for some time if he's teething... (Wait, I do).... You get my point.... I LOVE Hudson... differently... than I love other kids.  He's my own... he's mine... I can't explain this any further...yet I don't feel like I've fully explained it at all...  My love for him is great.  

Can I feel the same way about another child?  I've heard parents say that "I love each of my kids just as much... but each one differently."  Really?.... you do?... just as much as I love Hudson?... WOW... that's big... Maybe it's because each one is yours... maybe it's that your love increases when you have another... maybe I haven't figured this out yet because I'm not there.

So this is where I was this week... thinking... about God... and wondering... "God, what about you?"  If all people who follow you... that's kids... adults... and grandpas and grandmas.... are your children... "how do you love them all?"

My question though... was more like this... "Can you love them all?"... when there are so many to love... Okay... now I'm lying to you...let me open myself a little more...honestly it was more like "Can you love me...?" "Can you love Adam?"...   Can you love me with the same special, overwelming love that I have for Hudson?  Or do you love me differently? You care for me but not to the very depth and core of who you are...

I worried I wouldn't find an answer... 

Then...I came across verses like... Ephesians 3... where it mentions that his love "surpasses knowledge" and Matthew 10... where he knows the number of hairs on our head... (which isn't too hard for some of us 26 year olds that are going on 56)...  and ol John 3:16... Romans 8... where "nothing can seperate us from the love of Christ"...

Not only did I find the words... but I felt like He confirmed its truth within me... 

Really? I thought... Thank you Father.... you love me like that?  Me?  I'm so thankful that... You're my dad... I'm so thankful that I'm your son... I'm so thankful that I'm yours... 

I went from worrying... to thinking "maybe he can't love me like I love Hudson... because his love is even GREATER..."  I'll confess that I don't know how many hairs are on Hudson's head (I'm not sure he'd let me count either)... at times my love probably does have ends... at times my love... 

God... I know it's so simple....some may have this all figured out... but I doubt you... and especially your love for me... I try and find the loop holes in your love... to make it less than it is... I convince myself it can't be true... I convince myself that maybe for others but not for me... But today... Father... Dad... I realize that I'm yours... I'm so thankful for that... Would you lift me up again today... would you tell others about your love for me... would you hold me for a few more minutes... Amen.