Life has a way of humbling a fella huh?

I'm a person who thought that they never really struggled with pride.  If I'm being completely transparent I've always been a little unsure of myself.  I wasn't the most popular kid in elementary school... it seems like any "popularity" I've had since (homecoming king, captain of the football team, being well liked in college, having a wonderful wife, and now being a dad) hasn't quite removed the marks that was left from those years in elementary school... always questioning a bit of who I am, what others might think of me, etc... So yeah, I guess I never really thought I needed to be humbled...

Now I find myself as a fairly rookie parent, pastor, and a 3 year old spouse... maybe you find yourself a rookie whatever... teacher, nurse, banker, mechanic, manager, student... or maybe you're in a new and unknown place or situation... learning the ropes, figuring every thing out... becoming experienced... finding new areas that I had never even considered...

In the process you screw up, you fail, you do the wrong things...the wrong way... you become unsure of yourself...you don't know all the answers...you find yourself humbled... that's where I've found myself lately...

As a result, I've found out who I'm really relying on... myself.  As a Christian... and certainly as a pastor, shouldn't I be dependent on God?  Well, you'd think so... but I haven't been.  Did I think I could do it all on my own? Had I forgotten about the Lord? Had I made a lord out of myself?

King David... the psalmist...the one described as being "a man after God's heart" declares in psalm 18:1-2  "I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

Maybe I need to change my song/heart a little... maybe a little less Adam, and maybe a little more God...  maybe it takes falling or screwing up to realize my need for the Lord... maybe in the process of being humbled... I find myself before the Lord.  And in finding the Lord I find true life, rest, peace, and protection...better than ever before... better than I could have ever dreamed of...

The last week or so, I've really found myself returning to the Lord... I haven't been "gone" very long... but a week or two was long enough for me... Why did I ever try to do it on my own...  Why would I ever want to again...

I love you, O Lord... you are my strength when I'm weak, you are peace when everything is chaotic, you are my wisdom when I don't know the answer, you are my rock when I feel like I'm surrounded by sand... you are my Lord... I'm thankful, willing, and glad to be your servant.